Days 9 & 10

Friday, day 9, was a difficult day. I woke feeling surprised that I had slept through the night again, and my sunrise meditation was lovely, but I began a slow decent after breakfast. I was moody, sad, and sensitive. My energy dropped to a 2. The veggies I juiced were mostly the same, beets, carrots, celery, cucumber, parsley, and this time I added kale. I took all of my supplements and I had dropped another half of a pound. My body felt okay but my emotional energy was creeping into the overly sensitive zone.

Thursday night I led an HOA meeting. I am the president of our association and the one who is heading up some major construction and upgrading projects. This meeting was set for a final vote on choosing the colors for our exterior painting project. For months I've been putting up color samples, meeting with contractors and paint reps, talking to homeowners and designers, getting the landscaping cut back and some trees and vines removed. I've worked very hard. One of the homeowners walked into the meeting very angry because he doesn't like the color choices and feels he hasn't been heard. His eyes flared and he was pointing his finger and raising his voice... he caught me off guard. I felt attacked and it was a confrontation I was not prepared for. For those who have taken my classes or read my workbook, you know that confrontation is one of the Five C's that triggers the ego. My breathing became shallow, my heart raced, I felt the muscles in my neck and shoulders tighten. In those few moments I didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, there were other cooler heads there who are used to that kind of thing and were able to diffuse the situation. As it turns out, we didn't vote. We decided to put up a few more samples representing this particular homeowners taste. That meant more work for me and I was disappointed and a bit angry but my primary feeling during his attack was,.....fear.

Here is where I ran into trouble. I didn't clear all of that lower vibrating emotional energy before going to bed. The incident brought up my fear of failing, fear of being bad or wrong, fear of not being liked, fear of feeling vulnerable, all the ego's chatter. I didn't consciously sit down with myself, breathe, process or meditate. I went to bed with all of that in my body/mind so when I woke on Friday I was off kilter. I was tired, I wanted to nap. If I was a drinker, I would have wanted a stiff shot. What I did want is sugar or carbs or something gooey and fatty. Some foods can alter our moods temporarily, just like alcohol or drugs. I wanted to soothe myself. The instant gratification of popping into my mouth a piece of toast with a sweet spread would have made me feel better for about a minute. Then I would need another. Like any addiction, the addiction to sugary sweets, fats, and simple carbohydrates, is an unconscious desire to not feel something.

It became quite clear on Friday how I have been managing the stress in my life. Not taking the time to meditate, pray, process and be conscious with my feelings, I've been running to the next project, the next client, the next drama, the next person who needs me and forgetting and ignoring my own needs. I would, literally forget to eat. I would get up in the morning and drink coffee with Coffee Mate and maybe a piece of toast with some butter and sweet spread then head out the door to face my projects. Of course, by 2pm by body would be starving and I'd suddenly scramble for something to eat, and it didn't matter to me what it was. I just wanted something fast so I could get back to work. Cheeseburgers, burritos, sandwiches are easy to get, fast and filling. One Whopper with cheese is about 900 calories and 60grams of saturated fat.

This is a fascinating journey, from disease to ease, from illness to radiant health.

Friday, instead of the old pattern of the quick fix, I took care of myself. I rested and loved myself. I looked at the triggers that were activated the night before. I stayed conscious of what I was doing with my beautiful body that I have neglected for so long. I processed some old memories and realized, once again, that forgiveness and compassion heal a multitude of sins. It wasn't an easy day, but it was fruitful.

Day 10 started out fast and furious. I had scheduled an early morning date with a friend in Culver City. I had to leave the house by 7am in order to pick her up and drive to a temple for a group meditation. I didn't have my veggie juice but I did put three pieces of fruit in my purse before I left. As it turned out the temple had cancelled the meditation without letting us know. So, we to ourselves to breakfast. Here's another tip I need to remember. If you can't find something on the menu that will serve your needs, say so. We found a little hole-in-the-wall cafe across from the movie studios that was opened in 1936. The price of a french toast and sausage breakfast was $2.40. There were pictures on the wall above our table of The Little Rascals, Elvis Presley, and some actors from the 50s I didn't recognize. Mae was so excited to have discovered this little gem she was like a school girl. I looked over the menu determined to find something that my detoxing body needed. As you can imagine, it wasn't easy. I ordered an egg white dish with cabbage, mushrooms, tomatoes and avocados. I was fairly safe except for the fat they grilled it in....I should have asked. All in all, it was satisfying and not too far off my plan.

After breakfast we went back to Mae's and she offered me a Tarot card reading. She's pretty good. Some of the cards about my past were clear enough. I'm confident in my work, I love my work. As for the present.....well....it seems I have a broken heart. Still. As soon as I saw the card I knew what it represented. The wound from five years ago is still healing. When she said it out loud my eyes filled with tears. I felt all of that sorrow well up inside of me. It's funny, I don't think about it or 'him' at all, but perhaps that is the problem. I haven't completely processed and therefore there are still lessons to be learned. It was a psychic trauma in the way it happened. We were ecstatically happy to start out lives together on Saturday and Sunday he was gone. It was sudden, it was tragic. But, it was five years ago. Shouldn't that be enough time to heal? I have an expectation that time heals all wounds. Even wounds of the heart.

The future cards had a few warnings not to let my ego get in the way of my work. Not to allow petty things to pull my attention away from God and the work that is done through me, not from me. The cards promised abundance will follow me into the future if I take care not to fall into the trap of competition. I've never believed I was competitive but after looking further into that...boy was I wrong.


This cleansing and purging process has been most enlightening. The Universe, God, my Angels are supporting me at every turn. Gifts are arriving daily to guide me and direct me. Friday night a client brought me some body brushes she had purchased in Germany and had never used. Oddly she had no idea I was detoxing and yet, she was guided to gift them to me. Body brushing is often done in health spas for stimulating blood blow to the surface of the skin. The skin eliminates over one pound of waste acids each day in the average adult. Keeping it exfoliated and stimulated with massage and dry brushing is very helpful during a detoxing regimen.
Everyday a new gift arrives. From the angry neighbor to the body brushes, to the spontaneous Tarot reading, to the AFT gift and tonight I will meet a nutritionist friend for dinner and a chat. I'm learning a great deal.

It is now the beginning of Day 11. My energy is around 5. I've lost a total of 12 pounds.